TALES OF THE FRANTASM

TALES OF

REPORTS FROM THE SPOOKIEST NEO-ONTONAUT

TOME I: THE BREAK-IN!

ONCE UPON A TIME…

…a squad of Ontonauts hired a communications director so legendarily bad that all of them decided they were better off just killing them. They tore their coworker to pieces, and immediately morale shot up and everyone stopped spending all their time writing up diary entries to be rolled into stupid-ass websites.

At least, that’s how I wish the story would’ve gone. Instead, here I am writing up some copy so my ex-something can hack it to pieces and throw some gifs on it and call it a masterpiece. Funny how these things happen. You think you’ve seen the last of someone, and then you’re getting an offer you can’t refuse from some creepypasta-looking motherfucker masquerading as a god. And then that god partners you up with your ex.

Well. I guess it can’t be helped. At least they haven’t tossed me into the abyss for openly shit-talking them every chance I get, right? Silver lining. I’ll take what I can get. You have to scrape for everything around here.

Since they can drag an “About Me” page out of my cold dead hands, this will have to do for an introduction: I’m the West Ontonaut of the Neo-Compass Squad. They call me the Frantasm. Everyone does. It’s also my username on all the socials, so it works out. That’s THE_FRANTASM. Folllow me everywhere and post about me every day. Join my subreddit. Talk in my Discord. Follow my Instagram. Lick my boots, why don’t you? I know how you all operate.

Once you’ve got your tongue clean, tune in, because I’ve got something you’re going to love. You know the “Remember-est of Quests?” If you don’t, she’s one of the four people we’re after, supposedly, and also has been leaking everything we say to a bunch of nobodies on the Internet. Business as usual. She’s got a base of operations out in the Infinite Parking Garage. We’ve been sending our mobile surveillance operative in there. But I got tired of all that. Which is why…

I BROKE INTO THE REMEMBER-EST’S HOUSE.

…and made some sketches. You’re fucking welcome. Let’s see who exactly we’re all chasing after, hm?

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